This post/video has been sitting in my drafts folder for a year. I can’t believe it. I was really quite proud of this little video. I even recorded a second one, but… you know…asshole brain took over and I had total imposter syndrome. After I posted, I saw this video only had a few views on YouTube and I became really discouraged. I thought all the things as to why I only had like 3 views: “I’m not a real artist. I didn’t go to art school so I don’t know what I’m doing. No one cares what I have to say. I don’t paint the right way. No one cares that I paint. I sound dumb.” I had total asshole brain. So I didn’t post and I didn’t create any more behind the scenes or in process videos.

And then the rest of 2020 happened and I barely picked up a paintbrush for the rest of the year.

After watching this video from a year ago over again, I have some thoughts: I really really like it. I think my voice over is really pretty honest. Probably the most honest and authentic me I’ve posted anywhere. And I don’t completely hate the way I sound (I was recording quietly one morning.) Well, except for the way I pronounce “hand.” I’m still trying to figure out how a Minnesota accent snuck in there. I even enjoyed watching my painting process. It’s really rather pretty how you can watch the paint play together, and watch the painting sort of come to life.

So it’s okay if no one watches these. YouTube isn’t going to automatically send me a zillion of viewers just because I put up a video. I mean, I have like 6 videos up. YouTube doesn’t even know I exist right now. And It’s probably for the best that no one views it. That means I can make mistakes and no one will notice!

In case you were wondering what the finished painting looked like, here it is:

Isn’t she gorgeous?! I sold her last fall. She was a ton of fun to paint. I really wish I could find the second half of my in process video. That just means I will have to make another one, right? :)

xoxoxo

-a

My First Behind the Scenes Painting Video